No Derailing This Road Trip Across the United States

Day #1

Omaha, Nebraska – Salt Lake City, Utah

I placed Dom (8 years old), Annie B (3 years old), and Momo (2 years old) safely in our metal steed for our road trip across the USA and then I stepped behind the wheel. In preparation for crossing a quarter of the United States with three small kids by myself, I brought books, toys, coloring books, and a fully charge DVD player with tons of dvds for each kid. Half way across Nebraska on I-80 and halfway into the Cars movie, our new, shiny black DVD player abruptly stopped working. That’s fine. We only had 13 hours and 45 minutes left. Annie found a unique hobby during this time, requesting to go pee at the furthest point possible from a gas station. I assumed stopping on rural roads and peeing out in the open air would deter this behavior. Come to find out, she loved it and soon asked to go pee twice as often. We rolled up to Salt Lake City past sundown.

Day #2

Salt Lake City, Utah – Portland, Oregon

Never underestimate kid’s excitement, and adults for that matter, staying at a hotel with a swimming pool. Before the next 725 miles on I-80 towards the West Coast, we took an hour to swim to burn energy.

A road trip across the USA highlights the characteristics and personality of a region. Once we escaped the Nebraskan border, the flat horizon gradually transformed from barren hills that gave way to tall mountains surrounding wide open spaces. It was the perfect spot to ponder life . . . until one of the three kids yelled at the top of they voice for a fallen toy that was three feet out of reach.

When we left Omaha, Annie B was three years old. When we pulled up to the Ott House in Portland, she was four. That’s one long ass road trip.

Day #3

Portland

After almost 28 hours of driving, a car was the last place I wanted to be. We went to church downtown at Saint Michael’s the Archangel, played frisbee and football at Westmoreland Park, and walked as much as possible.

That evening after a lazy dinner, Ethan and I walked to Lutz Tavern. Lutz Tavern is considered a possible doopleganger for the Simpsons “Moe’s Tavern.” One of the writers of the Simpsons, Matt Groening, apparently visited this bar from time to time and maybe based the animated show’s tavern from Lutz Tavern’s interior. Inside, I noticed some similarities, but not enough to convert me. I asked the bartender about the topic and he admitted that it’s probably another Oregon bar down the road.

Day #4

Portland – Sauvie Island – Portland

More than a decade ago, Nadine and I drove to Portland on another road trip across the USA. One detail that always stuck out were delicious blueberries at an organic blueberry farm within a stone’s throw from Bill Gate’s house. To celebrate my birthday, I simply wanted to pick more blueberries. Once I set foot on that blueberry patch on Sauvie Island, a few skinny, picked over bushes holding isolated, shriveled blueberries greeted us. Hardly enough fruit to turn your poop blue. Raspberries were plentiful though.

Day #5

Portland

Our kids don’t get much one-on-one time with both their parents, because as soon as they see one sibling with both parents, they treat it like a clean house and feel the innate need to break up such craziness. This morning, Annie woke up early. Nadine and I walked her to a Portland local coffee shop, shocker, and shared some hot chocolate, chocolate chip cookie, and coffee.

Day #6

Portland – Lincoln City, Oregon

We celebrated the Fourth of July with a jaunt from the warm confines of Portland to the cool, breezy, still feels like late winter beaches of Lincoln City. We walked the Pacific Ocean beach. Our attention focused on flying kites to the stratosphere, or at least the troposphere.

Day #7

Lincoln City

By far one of the easiest and most beautiful kid hikes is Drift Creek Fall Trail in Siuslaw National Forest. We pushed Momo’s stroller on accessible trails all the way down to a waterfall.

Day #8

Lincoln City – Tillamook, Oregon – Lincoln City

If you’ve ever been to Costco and seen those large golden-yellow blocks of cheese stacked in the freezers like a golden wall, those came from Oregon. If the number of tourists flocking to Tillamook are any indication, Tillamook is the Graceland for cheese lovers. They’ve created a tourist experience swirling around milk and cheese curds. Not only does Tillamook make cheese, they mass produce something even tastier, the best ice cream in the United States.

Day #9

Lincoln City – Hagg Lake, Oregon – Portland

The most beautiful triathlon in the world might well be the Hagg Lake Triathlon. Due to space constraints and an over abundance of dvds, there wasn’t space for my triathlon bike. Instead, I borrowed Ethan’s push pedal bike. I took the time to enjoy the scenery of the most beautiful triathlon in the Western United States.

Day #10

Portland – Port Angeles, Washington – Victoria, British Columbia, Canada – Courtenay, British Columbia

Clara’s baptism was the main reason for our road trip across the USA. We were honored to serve as her Godparents. We spent the baptism trying to pay attention while calmly choraling our three youngest away from dipping their hands in the baptismal font. Immediately after the baptism and the pizza reception, we began our journey north (with two return trips to Melissa and Ethan’s house for forgotten items) up through Oregon to the northern coast of Washington and Port Angeles. From there, a ferry carried the van and family over to Victoria, British Columbia. At Canadian immigration, the polite officer asked us where we were headed. I said we were headed to Courtenay. I pronounced it like “Cort Knee.” The woman raised an eyebrow and gave me the friendliest Canadian weird look possible. Nadine quipped, “Do you say it a different way here?”

“It’s actually Courtenay (Cor tah nay).”

Day #11

Courtenay (Cor tah nay)

In Courtenay, our good friend Andrea and her family, former colleague and current friend from the Cayman Islands, hosted the visit.

We arrived in the dark early morning. The sunrise revealed everything we couldn’t see at night. Their background looked out over the silvery tranquil Courtenay River. It’s full of salmon too. We would indulge the next day. Andrea led a short run through Seal Park. There are a few places that come to mind as retirement spots when I am 77 years of age, Courtenay lands towards the top of that list now.

Day #12

Courtenay

The family recovered from a day of play and swimming in time to hike and explore Seal Park. Despite a lack of seals, the great views earned our seal of approval. I baked healthy fillets of fresh salmon that night on the elevated deck overlooking the Courtenay River as the kids skipped rocks by a campfire.

Day #13

Courtenay – Nanaimo – Vancouver – North Bend, Washington, USA

As it was a road trip across the USA, we couldn’t stay in one spot too long. We departed Canada, but not until Dom got a Canadian haircut, fortunately it wasn’t a mullet.

Like a scene from an action movie, we rolled up to the Vancouver Island ferry in Nanaimo just minutes before it closed the hatch doors. The only difference was that our mode of transportation was a silver Nissan minivan. Hot, I know.

Hours later, we approached the Canadian / US border from Vancouver. With nothing to declare, we followed the “Nothing to Declare” lane for Americans. Apparently that was not the correct one. The border agent quickly and forcefully retorted that this specific lane, the one that our well-traveled Nissan minivan now occupied, was specifically for people with a specific visa. Apparently we didn’t have that visa.

“You know I can fine you $30,000 for simply entering this lane?”

“Please don’t!” I begged. “I’m a teacher and that’s my yearly salary!”

Day #14

North Bend – Missoula, Montana

Montana makes for a great place to drive across. Unlimited spaces, mountains, a total of 14 cars using I-90 on this summer day. Fortunately downtown Missoula provided more excitement with a food and beer festival. Unfortunately, they only accepted cash and the little cash I had went towards the kid’s hot dogs. If I had known that was the case, I would have had the four kids and Nadine split one hot dog while I enjoyed a few craft beers.

Day #15

Missoula – Rapid City, South Dakota

Another day of driving to the home of Mount Rushmore. The hotel had a pool, the only real necessity for any kid on vacation.

Day #16

Rapid City – Mount Rushmore – Omaha, Nebraska – Des Moines, Iowa

For a set of chiseled faces in the Black Mountains, Mount Rushmore is surrounded by a circus of tourist traps directed towards elderly people and families with four kids in tow. Honestly, the real Mount Rushmore National Park was clean, well-run, and efficient. Not attributes one would associate with most government-run programs or New Mexican education.

If you think driving along I-80 across Nebraska is dull and flat, it’s a party compared to driving across I-90 in South Dakota. I guess I don’t have to be entertained by the drivetrains, but it would be nice to know there are only two gas stations the entire length of the drive in the state before I departed.

Our arrival into Omaha marked the end of the road trip across the USA . . . for everyone except me. For some crazy reason, I challenged Pepper to a triathlon the day after a two-week road trip across the Western United States. I showered, took a 45 minute nap, and continued driving to Des Moines, Iowa.

At the hotel in Des Moines, I began prepping my bike for the triathlon six hours later. At this point, my deraileur broke.

Day #17

Des Moines – Omaha

I beat Pepper in the swim. He beat me on the bike. I sat in the grassy transition area watching every triathlete, except for the really old ones, head out and return from their rides. He “officially” beat me and promptly retired on the spot.

We followed the pizza up with premium Des Moines pizza that measures nationally as really, really below average pizza. Pepper’s friend Chad suggested that it was the best. Either Chad has a palate of cardboard or he doesn’t really consider Pepper a true friend.