Refrain from Sex, Part 2

Papua New Guinea is Truly Unique

Think about this for a second. The second largest island in the world is New Guinea and on the eastern half is the relatively new country of Papua New Guinea with roughly 750 spoken languages. That is one unique language for every 10,000 people. Pull out Google translator and see how much that helps you in PNG.

Father Bogdan

Our arrival to the pier with Father Bogdan was thrilling to say the least. At least we arrived with Pepper only soiling his underwear. That is a problem only the fish in the Bismark Sea could solve. Compared to the truck ride up the coast, the boat ride was smooth and relaxing, no potholes to dodge arriving to Kar Kar Island safe and sound.

As a Westerner, Father Bogdan exemplifies a missionary priest in many ways. It’s not the fact that his residence is a three bedroom house standing idyllically on stilts among coconut trees. Or the fact his house sat on a black volcanic beach that would be considered luxurious compared to his neighbors. But, and this is a big but, he lives in a tropical climate where the walls of his home are constantly bombarded by some form of water.

I could safely assume that Father Bogdan would not consider himself a clean freak (his fridge didn’t work and kept the frozen chicken in a cabinet under the sink). As a result of many environmental factors, his house is infested with mold. Not the friendly green mold, but the black kind that considers itself confident enough to overthrow a small island country.

It’s a Goodyear for Coconuts

There are two families that cultivate cocoa and coconuts on Kar Kar island. Since Father Bogdan was busy saying Sunday Mass at several spots around the island, he dropped us in the capable hands of the Goodyear Family for a day. They are one of two families with plantations. Paul is originally from Papua New Guinea and Barbara is German. She initially came to spend a year as a volunteer, but met Paul, and had three beautiful children, and made Karkar her home. Paul’s brother Tim recently returned from Australia to help out with the family business.

Being the kind and good people the Goodyears are, Paul and Tim took part of the day to show us a good portion of their land. Pepper and I rode in the back of their Land Rover with Tim, while ol’ man Scuba Steve sat in the truck with Paul. Cocoa and coconuts are labor intensive. The long road to having cocoa in your chocolate starts with little white fleshy pods inside the bright yellow fruit. Through a process of drying the small acidic bean, you end up with a small brown bean that is used to make chocolate.

Ever since my time in the Cook Islands, I’ve been infatuated with the coconuts and their resourcefulness. They are such a versatile fruit providing nourishment in various ways. Young coconut, a slimy flesh coconut, or a mature coconut are all edible and all delicious. Plus, if you find one with coconut milk, it’s a nutrient rich drink. Coconuts even provide dessert and an aperitif. Within some young coconuts, there is a sweet marshmallow type of flesh. Plus, if you have a bottle of rum hanging around, bam, instant party. Thank you coconut! There should be a song written about you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0AOGeqOnFY

PNG Grass Will Do That To You

After three days of small island living in Kar Kar, it was time to return to the big island. Back at St. Fidelis Seminary, one chore that requires daily attention in this equatorial climate is the constantly growing grass. On average, Scuba Steve cuts the grass for two hours every Tuesday and Thursday. As a small token of appreciation to the community, I decided to help cut the grass and then recruited Pepper.

In general, I have always enjoyed cutting grass. In theory, two hours cutting grass should be a stroll in the park. But oh no, not PNG grass. The reality is it kicked my arse. I was ill prepared for the lethal combination of heat and humidity along with spongy soil under thick bladed grass as wide a ruler, the fear of dodging falling coconuts, and random assaults by ants. Halfway through cutting the grass, I began feeling a bit lightheaded. Fortunately, 15 minutes of rain provided reprieve. At the end of our “service”, four hours of grass cutting equated to having completed only 1/20 of the campus. If you ever want to know the key to weight lose, cut grass in PNG.

I celebrated my 36th birthday (really?!?) in PNG. Unbeknown to me, the Capuchin Brothers and volunteers made a cake for my bday. We toasted my 36 years with a little Gentleman Jack, cake, and mint chocolate ice cream (replete with 12 chocolate chips in the entire 3 gallon container).

Refrain from Sex – Part 2

The Papua New Guinea Post Courier had an article that caught my eye. It was titled Do Not Have Sex! Jail Boss Tells Female Officers to Stop Having Sexual Intercourse with Prisoners. The intriguing item about the article was that full blame was not placed on any of the prisoners themselves, but the female officers. The Police Commissioner Martin Balthazar (whose name came up often in the paper) stated that the prison has “no place for women who have no ethical morals”. Obviously the prison does have a few spots available for unethical people.

But honestly, what prison situation would cause the female guards to forego their coffee break for a little copulation?

In the second page of the headline article, Balthazar simply said that women “should just keep their legs closed”. Other than reminding women to quit fornicating in prison with criminals, it informed the public of the fact that the “notorious criminal William Kapris” and two additional dangerous criminals had escaped. Honestly, how hard would it be for a criminal to escape in these challenging conditions (if they even really wanted to)?

Prisoner: “Excuse me Officer Jodahazar, before we begin, I think I really should wash up.”

Officer: “Sure. Take my keys over there in my pants on the chair. No worries, you can use our officer bathroom. No, not that door. That one lets you out of this prison. There, yes, that one. Now you hurry up you little sex kitten and come back!”

I could go on forever, but for your sake, let’s bring this to an end.

Question of the week – Papua New Guinea comprises the eastern half of the island of New Guinea, what country is on the other half?