Refrain from Sex, Part 1

And Other Lessons Learned in PNG

An enormous pothole formed in the middle of a busy street. Deep enough that when it rained, the hole filled with water. Plenty of water. Enough water that children used this as a swimming pool. That is until a crocodile decided to commandeer and reside in the children’s street pool. That, and the importance to refrain from sex, is a true story that appeared in the national Post Courier newspaper.

This wouldn’t be the only interesting story to hit the presses during our time in Papua New Guinea.

Contradictory Support for PNG

Due to the fact that our flight from Cairns arrived into Port Moresby 55 minutes before our next flight, we weren’t allowed on our final flight. That gave us the chance the next morning in the domestic departure lounge to talk with an Aussie traveling with her two kids to Wewak to see her husband. We filled her into the fact that we were here to visit Scuba Steve during his time as a volunteer in PNG.

From there, her descriptions of PNG went a little something like this.

“It is so hot here in PNG . . . but you’ll love it.”

“Oh, there are so many types of diseases all over PNG, make sure you don’t wear shorts or short sleeves without many layers of bug repellant, but even that won’t keep the mosquitos away . . . but you’ll love it . . . you’re only here for a week and a half right?”

“Did I mention the people? Oh the people are just so lazy . . . I don’t know why . . . I can’t stand it here . . . but you’ll love it. Promise.”

That was our introduction to PNG from a jaded expat’s point of view, one full of contradictions, emblematic of the country we happily found ourselves visiting.

Hot and Bothered

Since November, Scuba Steve has served as a volunteer at the St. Fidelis Seminary in Madang, Papua New Guinea. It’s a beautifully simple seminary on several lush acres of land surrounded by trees hovering over the land below. Steve has resided, accompanied, and taught with a couple of Cupuchin brothers, a priest, and another volunteer. They spend their days in prayer, teaching, cutting acres upon acres of thick bladed grass on spongey soil, and sweating. The equatorial climate of coastal Madang is a combination of hot and humid, with some showers thrown in every day or so to provide a brief respite from perspiration, but just to make a bit more humid when the sun comes back out. Not a single time in PNG did I take a lukewarm shower, always cold.

Penance Served in the Back of a Truck

Northwest of Madang is the volcanic island of Kar Kar. A Polish priest resides there, the only priest on the entire island. He more than welcomed our company and invited us to stay with him for a couple of days. He even volunteered to drive us up the coast to catch a boat over to the black sand beaches of Kar Kar Island.

Pepper’s quote aptly sums up our harrowing 45 minute drive up the riddled road up the coast, “When you are in the good graces of the Lord, one apparently does not fear death as much as I do.”

Pepper and I jumped in the back of Father Bogdan’s dented blue truck. It had already seen a few adventures during its’ long life. The moment his truck hit the main highway, Fr. Bogdan was transported to his personal PNG autobahn. He hit the accelerator and didn’t let up until profoundly deep potholes flashed across the windshield and impeded his forward progress. At this point, he would instantly slam on the brakes and slalom into the opposite lane or off onto the shoulder of the road, throwing us sinners towards the truck cab, and within a second, his foot hit the gas pedal and slammed us back into the truck’s gate. That’s one unique penance.

Only minutes into our drive, the rain began to fall. First a light drizzle soon followed by the heavy stuff. Looking through the cab window at Father Bogdan was not comforting in the least for either one of us. He was in a full on conversation with Scuba Steve and unperturbed or unworried about the weather. With his left hand, he wiped away rain or condensation from the windshield. He would hunker down and squint through a brief window of clarity. His right hand held the steering wheel and resembled the hands you would find at a DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince concert. It waved back and forth all while dodging scattered potholes. When he unintentionally (we think?) hit one directly, the force projected Pepper and I up into the air. At one point, Pepper and I seriously considered abandoning the truck and trying our luck on our own. To increase the frequency of our prayer life, when the beaten and battered approached a blind corner, not only did Father Bogdan enter the opposite lane, his truck balanced on the outside of the opposite lane. Please refer to Pepper’s original quote above.

Please Refrain from Sex

“Pig Lover Nabbed” was the title of the article that graced the headline of the national newspaper. If I didn’t know any better, you’d think you were reading the Albuquerque Journal. This matter-of-fact title proved to be indicative of a few aspects of PNG culture observed first hand. Not the actual pig loving though.

Pigs are considered highly valuable in PNG. They serve as a form of currency. If you want to marry that special someone, true love requires payment by swine. If you wrong another tribe, retribution is a live porker.

That makes the content of the story a bit baffling. According to the story, a man was found “porking” a pig under someone else’s house. I ask myself, “Should this be reported as the main story of a national newspaper?” “Was it a slow day in the newsroom?” Imagine if this came out on BBC.

The newspaper had to know that this guy from the story wouldn’t be able to score another date in a long time because of this article. “Was that your mugshot in the paper last week with ol’ Betsy? Sorry, I can’t go out with you tonight. I have to stay home and chew some betel nut tonight.”

Plus what happens to said defiled pig? How valuable is that pig now? Is it now worth half a pig, two mangy cats, or a pound of New Mexican green chilies? In no way would anyone accept this pig in some type of transaction in PNG. Just attempting to pass this pig could lead to tribal warfare.

PNG left much to the imagination.

To be continued – Refrain from Sex, Part 2